Zine

Rewind

My name is Lily, and I was eight years old when I died in a fire.

It was Saturday afternoon, and like usual mom and dad still hadn’t come home from the office. “Sweetie, were running late, there’s food in the fridge and don’t forget to tell the nanny she’s free to leave.” My mom’s calm voice projects from the answering machine. I should have known today wouldn’t be any different. The nanny had gone home early, leaving me home alone in our New York town house. You would think an adult would think twice before leaving a child unsupervised, but not my nanny. She was gone within minutes of my mother’s message. I don’t understand a lot of the things my parents do but the one thing I certainly do not understand is why my parents allowed the nanny to leave me home alone.

It must have been somewhere around 4:30 in the afternoon when the doorbell rang. Like always, I made sure to look out the window before answering the door. But I saw nothing. Ignoring it I walked back to the kitchen to check the cupcakes my nanny had left in the oven. Surprisingly I heard it again, but this time they wouldn’t stop ringing it. Knots grew in my stomach as I looked out the window once more.

“Boo!” Michel yelled as he jumped in front of the window laughing.

He wore navy blue shorts and a green t-shirt that looked as if it hadn’t been washed in weeks. His eyes were puffy as if he had just woken up from an afternoon nap. His chocolate skin matched his dark brown eyes as they twinkled in the sun light.

“Wanna play?” He says with an attitude and a slight grin on his face.

“Michel what’s the matter with you, you can’t be doing that!”

“You scared me half to death!”

I remember yelling back with my arms crossed.

“Ill be out in a second” I replied in a high pitched voice.

He had really scared me, my hands had gotten a little sweaty and my heart started racing. But, this was nothing compared to what happens next. Carelessly, I ran out the front door leaving the cupcakes in the oven.

Michel and I had been close since the 2^nd grade. We did everything together. And his mother, she was the nicest person ever. She would always make home cooked meals and take us to the park unlike anything my mother would ever do.

The two of us played outside for hours. Hide and go seek was our favorite, he always had the best hiding spots and I would never find him. Our afternoons were repetitive but today was different, much different. I remember looking down at my watch that read 6:00 pm and thinking it was getting late. Michel’s mother had just called him in for dinner and my parents would probably be on their way home. I looked up, the sun was setting and the street lights had just turned on. I remember standing there in the middle of the street dazing of into space. When suddenly my nose was filled with the strong smell of smoke. I spun in a circle as I tried to figure out where the smell was coming from.

My eyes opened widely and my heart started beating faster than ever. The fear in my eyes was indescribable. If only I could go back in time. None of this would have happened. I should have checked the stupid cupcakes and maybe I would have seen they were done and turned the oven off! But that’s not what happened.

I stood on the side walk in front of my house, the flames peeking their way in and out of the windows. I could feel the heat agents my skin and starting to warm my eyes, causing them to water.

“HELP, someone please HELP!” I yelled in panic. But no one seemed to hear me.

The streets were empty and I could hear my own echo.

“HELP!” I tried yelling even louder.

I heard footsteps behind me, like someone was running in my direction.

“LILY, what happened?” Michel yells.

I turn to him, my face soaked with tears, “My cat, she’s in there I need to get her!”

“No! You’re not going in there!”

I remember him yelling as he pulled my shoulder back.

I regret this now, but at the moment I didn’t care. I ran in, Michel yelled out for help and ran after me trying to hold me back. I could tell he was trying to hold me back as hard as he could. But I wouldn’t let him.

“Leave me alone!” I yelled as I pushed him off.

“Lily don’t go inside, I’ll get help!” He said right before I ran in.

The flames were hot, and I couldn’t see anything. Black smoke rushed at me like a herd of sheep. The loud meows of my kitten filled the living room. I squinted my eyes as I tried to follow the sound of my cat’s loud and helpless meows, when suddenly I tripped. I could see myself laying there hopelessly as the smoke worked its way into my lungs. Making it harder and harder for me to breath.

I remember being in a total state of panic. I was scared and I couldn’t find my way out. My soft blond hair that at one point in the day had been combed neatly in two pony tails, was now messy and all over my face, covering my green eyes.

“Lily, helps on the way” I could hear Michel yelling in.

“LILY? Answer me!” He yelled again, but this time his voice sounded much closer.

I look up and saw the outline of his body standing at the front door looking in. I opened my mouth to talk, but nothing came out.

Then suddenly a soothing voice yells into the house.

“Lily sweetie where are you, are you okay?”

“It’s me, Michel’s mom can you hear me?”

I could hear the loud fire sirens coming closer as I lay there on my living room floor. A noise I never thought I would find quite soothing.

Flames got closer and I could feel the heat on my skin. The piercing pain filled my body. I screamed and cried, but no one could find me.

“Little girl were coming in, your okay now” I heard a man say in a calm and collect voice.

“Talk to me, so I know your okay!” He yelled.

But I couldn’t, I just couldn’t talk! As much as I tried nothing came out. I remember asking myself how come I couldn’t just call for help and stay outside? Why didn’t I didn’t listen to Michel? I hate myself for doing what I did. This was all my fault. If only I had a rewind button, id go back and fix my mistake. But its too late, there’s nothing anyone can do about it now. I felt someone picking me up gently, but I was too weak to open my eyes. Everything felt as though it had happened in slow motion.

Iv learned my lesson, if I was given a second chance, I would have done things differently.

I remember my last moments so clearly. My breathing got slower and my eyes shut. My mother’s voice on the answering machine replayed in my head, Michel ringing my doorbell, the two of us playing outside, all this kept replaying like a song on repeat.

Then suddenly it just stopped. No more thoughts, no more voices. Everything was blank. My chest felt lighter and the pain was gone, I was free.

http://students.hthma.hightechhigh.org/~ihueso/adrianab,jadon,bianca,cindy.pdf